Goodbye Randy

Randy Pausch left to start his "next adventure" today. He was 47.

I suspected his time was short because he actually responded to an e-mail I sent him (about writing the foreword for my book) apologizing that he could not because he was "running out of time".

Funnily enough, I wrote Randy an e-mail today after reading the update someone posted on his site which I check daily. The update mentioned he was in hospice care. It was also from there that I got the news of his passing a couple of hours ago.

I feel suddenly empty.

Truth is, Randy has not only been an inspiration, but has been a driving force in my life lately. Let me explain: since hearing about "The Last Lecture" I have watched it countless times. It was a way of connecting with the "cancer community" that I am a part, and more importantly it drove me to be the better person we are all called to be.

In his words: "If you lead your life the right way, the karma will take care
of itself. The dreams will come to you" and my ultimate favourite, which has helped me in my time of grief, "we cannot change the cards we are dealt, just how we play the hand".

Randy's other lecture on Time Management is equally wonderful. I believe he wrote it with me in mind!

I have Randy to thank for "pushing" me to continue writing and complete the book I began just after Jennifer's passing. I will move forward to getting it published soon.

I'm actually too choked-up to write more. Please check out my blog for more info.

RIP brother, and send our love to Jennifer, we miss you both, but will continue to live with you in our hearts!

Randy's Book

I bought Randy Pausch's The Last Lecture book when it first came out a couple of months ago. I started reading eagerly, but could not continue as some of the thoughts were "too close to home"...

But then recently I picked it up again and fought through the tears and pain to finish it. 

I'm glad I did, because it's a wonderful book, almost as wonderful as the video itself. Now I have a goal: to get Randy to write the foreword for my book. In case you don't know this is the book I am writing based on my experiences as caregiver to my late wife, Jennifer. 

I am of course facing two "brick walls" to make this happen.

The first: is Randy well enough? According to his site which I check daily, he might be able to do it. 

The second: how do I get to him. So far two of my earlier e-mails to him have remained unanswered, but I can understand, and to be honest, I did not expect him to reply. 

Anyway, as Randy says, "...the brick walls are there for a reason. The brick walls are not there to keep us out. The brick walls are there to give us a chance to show how badly we want something. Because the brick walls are there to stop the people who don't want it badly enough..."

Yes. I will climb these brick walls, because I want this "bad enough". Stay tuned for updates...

Jennifer's 2nd is also ours

Today, Jennifer turns two, in Heaven years that is. Of course I am using human years to calculate heaven years. I will need to wait until I go to heaven (and yes, I struggle daily with this) to find out how long heaven years are.

We continue to live our lives as best we can -- as she would have wanted us to. Jr and I will fly up to Penang this Friday, where she is interred to give her flowers and spend some time in prayer at her grave. It would have also been her 40th birthday, so the trip is all that more poignant.

When I planned the trip I only focussed on the fact that it was her birthday -- without realising that it is also Good Friday. For us Catholic-Christians, Good Friday is a really BIG DEAL, so we are very happy to spend it in honour of Jennifer's memory.

For her friends who check in to this blog on her anniversary: we will be having the usual Memorial makan session only after Easter as my friend, Albert will be so busy celebrating the Triduum leading up to Easter. I'll let you all know when we know.

I very recently came across something that I find to be supremely inspirational: "The Last Lecture" by Randy Pausch. You have to see this for yourselves as words cannot describe how wonderful it is. Over 6 million people have watched it, and Randy has been on Oprah and most recently, testified at the US Congress.

Check it out here.

My prayers are with Jai, Dylan, Logan and Chloe and of course, Randy! You have touched my life so much, and I hope you will continue to have many more months of "good health"!

I'm also compiling my thoughts on Jennifer in a new blog which I had hoped would be ready by today, but nevertheless, I'll let you all know when it's live.